Your Summer Music Festival Survival Guide

It's hot. Reealll hot. You're sweaty. Your friend is hungry. Your other friend fell asleep in a Port-O-Potty. Guy A to the left keeps blowing cigarette smoke in your face. Girl B to the right smells like death.

It's music festival season again.

I will acknowlegde, music festivals are not for everyone. In my righteous opinion, the less than wanted aspects mentioned above are a small price to pay (besides the actual ticket price, which is probably pretty steep) in order to see so many of your favorite bands in one place, at one time.

With (what many consider to be) the first major festival right around the corner, here's a quick guide to surviving this summer's biggest music events.

Where is the Festival You Are Attending?

This is the first thing to figure out. By asking this question, I don't just mean to GoogleMap directions to the site of the fest, but instead, deem the type of setting you will be situated within.

If it's a rural location with some camping involved - a la Bonnaroo - then quickly revert back to your 10-year-old Boy/Girl Scout self and figure out the essentials: tent, grill, food, water, flint and steel, kindling...you get the idea. Once your campground is completely set up at the spot, then REMEMBER WHERE IT IS. Especially at Bonaroo, the music can last all through the night. Lack of sleep+dark surroundings+ingestion of things you probably shouldn't ingest=forgetting where your tent is. And breadcrumb trails are not the answer here. Fellow concertgoers in the wrong frame of mind will definitely eat those babies up for snack time.

Breadcrumbs are the answer, however, if you're attending a more urban festival - a la Lollapalooza-alalalala. Here you will most definitely be swindled by hobo's and peddlers before entering the park. Throwing a few breadcrumbs their way may not satisfy their hunger, but it will distract them enough for you to walk by and at least make it look like you care.

What is the Weather Forecast?

A seemingly obvious, but sometimes overlooked, part of festival season is the weather. Before venturing through your day of fun, fun, fun, fun, check out the forecast. Calling for sun? Then don't forget the lotion. Take advice from Buffalo Bill of Silence of the Lambs fame: "Put the lotion in the basket!" I'm assuming he's talking about your picnic basket, but who's to say? Bill didn't seem to have much of a tan, so you know he's prepared.

Also, remember your shades. I would recommend swiping a par of solar shields from your optometrist; you know, the kind you get after he dilates your eyes? They should work out just fine.

Finally, if the forecast call for rain, grab yourself a poncho. Or make one out of a large garbage bag (that isn't already stuffed with trash) when possible. If your one of those "dress to impress" kinda people, Bugs Bunny themed raincoats will surely catch others' attention. Disclaimer: by doing so, some may also dismiss you as an overachieving hipster...never a sought after title.

How Long Will You be Going Without a Shower/Bath/Wash?

Hygiene isn't really of the utmost importance at these gigs, but it can't hurt to try and stay fresh. I realize at most festivals the crowd members can retreat to a seperate location for the night and hopefully wash the dirt out of their crevices. It seems, though, that having a place to stay outside of the festival site doesn't always guarantee a healthy rinse.

For those who don't want to take the time to wash (or don't have the means of doing so), stashing numerous pocket-size bottles of hand sanitizer is a must. That stuff can double as deodorant and maybe even shampoo. If there isn't much $$ left in your funds after buying a multiple day festival pass, pool all of your money and your friends' monies together and splurge on an industrial size bottle at Costco. Then no one is left out.

Do You Want to Have a Good Time?

The experience is what you make of it. If someone goes to these festivals wanting to have a good time, then little things like heat or hunger or annoying people shouldn't matter. Attitude is everything. So getcha groove on.