Click, Click, Love: Finding Your Future Soulmate on the Internet

The world-wide-web is a wonderful place that allows billions upon billions of people to do billions upon billions of random tasks. Communicate quickly and effectively? Check. Find directions to the nearest burger joint? You can do that.  Look up a killer egg foo young recipe? Egg foo yes!

It's only right, then, that the same medium which allows people to chat with random strangers would also allow these strangers to meet in person. Face to face.

I guess it was only a matter of time before the social interaction we know as "dating" became one of the common "tasks" that people could carry out on the internet. It's as if the classroom, bar/restaurant, social gathering, party, or any other place where people use to meet has been replaced by the computer screen. But instead of just a few possible interests standing physically an arm's-length away, there are millions of potential interests digitally standing an arm-plus-mouse-plus-keyboard's-length away. I know what you're thinking: "O-M-G!! How to choose?"

I am here to warn you: while many habits become easier when applying them online (i.e. grocery shopping, renting a movie, etc.), the same cannot be said for dating. Sure, there are tons of possibile love interests on the web, but you gotta know how to snag their attention. Here's a few tips.

APPEARANCE IS YOUR #1 PRIORITY

Let's face it (pun intended), the profile picture is the first thing potential daters look at when surveying their crop, so the bottome line is: don't upload a recent photo of yourself! Nobody wants to look at wrinkles and extra baggage. No, no, they wanna see the sleek, refined-lookin' you from a time long ago.

Heck, if you can't even find a flattering picture of yourself (afterall, we are our own worst critics), then I would go as far as uploading an attractive fake. Someone that is definitely not you, but maybe could've been a few years back? If someone takes the bait and agrees for a date, then it's all worth it. And if they're really a nice person, then your little white lie wouldn't matter anyway.

SEPARATE YOURSELF FROM THE BATCH

Once the initial appearance interest has been gained, you gotta know how to keep the surveyors attention. Time to impress them with your values, interests, hobbies, and the alike. But remember, there are millions of other love-seekers just like you out there...what's gonna stop this mate from getting bored with your profile before moving onto the next?

It's not enough to list your banal interests. You gotta be different and specific. Don't just say, "I love animals." Instead, talk about your attempts to breed a real life Pikachu by sticking giant rats' tails into power outlets. You like sports? Then list all of the venues you hope to streak through one day. Really into music? Tell everyone about the children's death metal album you're composing. This kinda stuff - although not necessarily true - will really stick out, and potential daters won't soon forget it.

BE OUTGOING, EVEN IF YOU'RE NOT REALLY GOING OUT

Perhaps you're trying your luck at online dating because of past failed relationships or all-around bad experiences. There's nothing wrong with that. Although, now is not the time to hold your emotions inside. Don't be timid, this is the internet! You can say whatever you want to whomever you want without any real-life repercussions (maybe).

And this can swing both ways. Let's say you have an amazing first date and hope for more. Don't wait for your counterpart to ask. As soon as you return home, hop online and start barraging him/her with more requests. Some questions to consider: "How bout I cook you lunch tomorrow?" "I'm thinking about working out at 4, could you spot me?" "When would be the best time to meet eachother's parents?" This persistence is nothing but charming.

Conversely, if the date goes particularly bad, it never hurts to let the other person know how much of a scum bag they really are. For goodness sakes, light up their inbox! Further statements to consider: "You know, I only agreed to our date out of sheer pity." OR "I thought since you were so ugly that your personality would be better. Guess not."  Who cares if you blush while typing these insults, no one can actually see you, anyhow. 

*DISCLAIMER*

The world of online dating is a magical but fickle place. So while these tips may work for some, they probably won't work for most. Results are not guaranteed.  Or recommended, for that matter.